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Quest for Rudolph: A Travel Fable


Colourful Claus renderings set the season in Finland. Copyright: Warren Lieb.As a kid I thought Santa Claus lived at the North Pole. Turns out reindeer and elves can't tolerate that kind of cold, so Santa relocated his toy workshop to Napapiiri, Finland. That's why I'm here at Santa Claus Village waiting in line with 300 kids. We coulda written letters to Claus, but who can spell Napapiiri?

"So why are you here?" I ask a perky 8-year-old.

"Presents and moolah," she says wiping her nose. "I need lottsa new stuff, ya know?"

"She refused to write a letter," her teen brother adds," so here we are at the Arctic Circle turning into Popsicles. But the buzz is personal visits gets extra perks."

"Good luck," I smile. "I'm here to meet Santa and Rudolph."

"That one of his elves?" the girl asks.

"Not exactly," I reply. "Rudolph the Red Nosed reindeer is Santa's VP of Merchandising. He was way cool on globalization even before the Internet."

"Way cool!" they exclaim.

"He's got this amazing red nose.... he navigates through fog, snow, rain, and even stock market crashes. Rudolph's the reason you kids get presents on Christmas morning instead of Martin Luther King Day."

"Who's Martin Luther King?" the girl asks.

"Gee," says her brother, flipping his ballcap backwards. "I thought Christmas presents were delivered by Fed Ex."

An icy workshop compound fit for the bearded one and his elves. Copyright: Warren Lieb"So Santa," I query, "where's Rudolph?"

Bless his soul, Santa is well preserved for a multi-centenarian. His manicured handlebar mustache curves sideways above a knee-length curly beard. How does he maintain that bird's nest? Never a fashion maven, Santa's outfitted in black sweats, long sleeved white shirt and red sweater vest. He could lose a few, but the belly is charming, really.

"Rudolph? Haven't seen him lately," Santa sadly strokes his stash.

"Truth be told, I think the staff reindeer and elves got him down. They never let up with those nose jokes. Lotta pressure."

"Santa, I hate to show up with bad news, but have you checked this out? Saw this sign in a Helsinki deli." I show him the photo, makes my blood run cold: a huge pile of shrink- wrapped red meat. Sign says REINDEER STEAKS.

"Holy Christmas!" Santa shrieks.

"Actually Clausorama, things are worse, way worse." I hand him the cookbook: Recipes for Cooking Reindeer Meat.

Moaning softly, Santa turns the pages.

"Shredded reindeer steak, reindeer noisettes, sautéed reindeer." His voice is hoarse by the time he’s finished reading. "Reindeer on a spit! Help me, Elves."

Watching Santa cry, you don't wanna be there. I got out fast. Promised Santa I'd find our Rudolph.

Rudolph the pale pink-nosed reindeer? Nice try. Copyright: Warren Lieb.So with a red honker, spotting Mr. R. is cinched, right? Could you hide that schnoz in all this snow?

"Ritva, you gotta help me," I beg. Ritva Muller is a smart big-hearted Helsinki girl. She's explored every mountain, forest, lake, and sauna in Finland.

"He could be in Kemi," Ritva suggests. "Those dense forests along the Gulf of Bothnia coast are perfect for a reindeer hideout. We'll find him by snowmobile."

At Lapponia Safaris in Kemi, guide Lawry Leskio suits me up like the Pillsbury Dough Woman: red and black canvas snowsuit, boots, socks, gloves, mittens, goggles, crash helmet. Ritva fires up our Yamaha Enticer snowmobile and we're off like an arctic icebreaker. Cross-country skiers schuss the frozen gulf, fishermen lie alongside ice holes. Sky is pretty as a robin's egg. But no sign of the elusive Mr. R.

"Coulda sworn he'd be out here," says Ritva. "Maybe Rudolph's at the SnowCastle. There's a great vodka bar and guestrooms have cable."

The SnowCastle is dazzling with ice walls, towers, and sculptures. Even a cosmic medieval Snow Chapel. I could use a couple of spirit guides right now: sure enough two beam right down. Ever see a creature looks like an upside down ice cream cone?

"Looking for a reindeer with a glowing red nose," I explain.

"He was here all right, few nights back," said the red-hatted one.

"Checked out, said he had a gig at the Levin Lapinkyla Reindeer Farm," giggles the blue- hatted one.

"Might be his Last Gig!" they howl.

Very funny.

Caption: Reindeer meat, anyone? Copyright: Warren Lieb.Next morning Ritva escorts me to the Reindeer Farm. "This place sells lots of reindeer meat," she warns. "So don't go ballistic if he's not here."

But he is here. Giving sledge rides to tourists as they happily turn into Popsicles. Mr. Smooth Operator looks real fine: thick brown and white coat, sexy antlers. But the schnoz is white. Not shiny glowing red.

"Rudolph! Santa is having fits," I say, hugging him like I always dreamed of doing. "He needs you at his toy workshop in Napapiiri."

"Kids, toys, elves, stuck up reindeer," mumbles R. "I needed a break, ya understand? A little therapy, a minor nose job, a new girlfriend...."

His gaze slid past me as we spoke. I followed his line of vision across the field to a delicate reindeer babe, a real Snow White. Gorgeous gams like you see in Victoria's Secret.

"A fab lifestyle, I understand your need... But Rudolph, a few zillion kids are depending on you for their Christmas presents."

"Nah, I'm history. Gettin’ edged out by direct mail, dot.coms, Fed Ex..."

"Rudolph you are still top Caribou. Merchandising VP. Look, I've got one of Santa's letters. Will ya just listen?"

"Dear Father Christmas," I read. "Hopefully this year I've been reasonably good. For Christmas I would like chocolate money, Winnie the Pooh, lots of hairbobbles. And when you and Rudolph get to my house, please wake me. I have presents for you both! Ever So Much Love, Carly."

The letter is in five crayon colors. Who could resist?

Watching Rudolph cry, you don't wanna be there. I got out fast. But not before Rudolph dialed Santa on his Nokia cell phone, promising he'd be back in Napapiiri in time for Christmas.

When you go

Finland is a fascinating juxtaposition of ancient culture and contemporary success. While the Finns once earned their living in forestry, farming, and fishing, today this country of five million is one of the world's high-tech nations.

Some 3,000 years ago, nomadic tribal people called Sami traveled the Arctic Circle as hunters and reindeer herders. Families lived close to nature. All a young Sami needed to survive in the wilderness was a sharp knife. Reindeers were known individually by their markings and personality. Reindeer meat and blood were made into food; entrails became storage containers, sinews were used for thread, bones for utensils, hides for clothing and tent covers. Today 7,000 Sami live in Finland, managing profitable reindeer farms assisted by snowmobiles and cell phones.

The Finnish sisu (determination to overcome obstacles) has enabled modern Finns to turn a harsh climate, long winters, and isolation into success. In design, Finland is renowned for furniture, glass and textiles, like Marimekko. Award-winning Finnish architects have created some of the most striking modern public structures in the world. Top exports include metal, engineering, paper, chemicals, and wood products. And Finland's explosion in telecommunications and information technology means people throughout the world rely on Nokia cell phones.

Finns make the most of the outdoors, even when temps drop below zero. Downhill skiing, cross-country skiing, slalom racing, ski jumping, skating and ice hockey are popular. And in the modern cities like Helsinki, there's plenty of culture and stimulation with museums, shopping, restaurants, theatre, and music. And Finnish saunas are still the favorite way to socialize and relax.

Finland's ultimate charm: Kids of any age can send letters to Santa Claus and Rudolph at Santa Claus Village, 96930 Napapiiri, Finland. Check out Santa's website at: www.santaclausoffice.fi

For more information, contact: Finnish Tourist Board, P.O. Box 4649, Grand Central Station, New York New York. Tel: 800-FININFO, e-mail: mek.usa@mek.fi, Web site: www.finland-tourism.com

To fly Finnair, telephone 800-950-5000.

"He could be in Kemi," Ritva suggests. "Those dense forests along the Gulf of Bothnia coast are perfect for a reindeer hideout. We'll find him by snowmobile."

At Lapponia Safaris in Kemi, guide Lawry Leskio suits me up like the Pillsbury Dough Woman: red and black canvas snowsuit, boots, socks, gloves, mittens, goggles, crash helmet. Ritva fires up our Yamaha Enticer snowmobile and we're off like an arctic icebreaker. Cross-country skiers schuss the frozen gulf, fishermen lie alongside ice holes. Sky is pretty as a robin's egg. But no sign of the elusive Mr. R.

"Coulda sworn he'd be out here," says Ritva. "Maybe Rudolph's at the SnowCastle. There's a great vodka bar and guestrooms have cable."

The SnowCastle is dazzling with ice walls, towers, and sculptures. Even a cosmic medieval Snow Chapel. I could use a couple of spirit guides right now: sure enough two beam right down. Ever see a creature looks like an upside down ice cream cone?

"Looking for a reindeer with a glowing red nose," I explain.

"He was here all right, few nights back," said the red-hatted one.

"Checked out, said he had a gig at the Levin Lapinkyla Reindeer Farm," giggles the blue- hatted one.

"Might be his Last Gig!" they howl.

Very funny.

Caption: Reindeer meat, anyone? Copyright: Warren Lieb.Next morning Ritva escorts me to the Reindeer Farm. "This place sells lots of reindeer meat," she warns. "So don't go ballistic if he's not here."

But he is here. Giving sledge rides to tourists as they happily turn into Popsicles. Mr. Smooth Operator looks real fine: thick brown and white coat, sexy antlers. But the schnoz is white. Not shiny glowing red.

"Rudolph! Santa is having fits," I say, hugging him like I always dreamed of doing. "He needs you at his toy workshop in Napapiiri."

"Kids, toys, elves, stuck up reindeer," mumbles R. "I needed a break, ya understand? A little therapy, a minor nose job, a new girlfriend...."

His gaze slid past me as we spoke. I followed his line of vision across the field to a delicate reindeer babe, a real Snow White. Gorgeous gams like you see in Victoria's Secret.

"A fab lifestyle, I understand your need... But Rudolph, a few zillion kids are depending on you for their Christmas presents."

"Nah, I'm history. Gettin’ edged out by direct mail, dot.coms, Fed Ex..."

"Rudolph you are still top Caribou. Merchandising VP. Look, I've got one of Santa's letters. Will ya just listen?"

"Dear Father Christmas," I read. "Hopefully this year I've been reasonably good. For Christmas I would like chocolate money, Winnie the Pooh, lots of hairbobbles. And when you and Rudolph get to my house, please wake me. I have presents for you both! Ever So Much Love, Carly."

The letter is in five crayon colors. Who could resist?

Watching Rudolph cry, you don't wanna be there. I got out fast. But not before Rudolph dialed Santa on his Nokia cell phone, promising he'd be back in Napapiiri in time for Christmas.

When you go

Finland is a fascinating juxtaposition of ancient culture and contemporary success. While the Finns once earned their living in forestry, farming, and fishing, today this country of five million is one of the world's high-tech nations.

Some 3,000 years ago, nomadic tribal people called Sami traveled the Arctic Circle as hunters and reindeer herders. Families lived close to nature. All a young Sami needed to survive in the wilderness was a sharp knife. Reindeers were known individually by their markings and personality. Reindeer meat and blood were made into food; entrails became storage containers, sinews were used for thread, bones for utensils, hides for clothing and tent covers. Today 7,000 Sami live in Finland, managing profitable reindeer farms assisted by snowmobiles and cell phones.

The Finnish sisu (determination to overcome obstacles) has enabled modern Finns to turn a harsh climate, long winters, and isolation into success. In design, Finland is renowned for furniture, glass and textiles, like Marimekko. Award-winning Finnish architects have created some of the most striking modern public structures in the world. Top exports include metal, engineering, paper, chemicals, and wood products. And Finland's explosion in telecommunications and information technology means people throughout the world rely on Nokia cell phones.

Finns make the most of the outdoors, even when temps drop below zero. Downhill skiing, cross-country skiing, slalom racing, ski jumping, skating and ice hockey are popular. And in the modern cities like Helsinki, there's plenty of culture and stimulation with museums, shopping, restaurants, theatre, and music. And Finnish saunas are still the favorite way to socialize and relax.

Finland's ultimate charm: Kids of any age can send letters to Santa Claus and Rudolph at Santa Claus Village, 96930 Napapiiri, Finland. Check out Santa's website at: www.santaclausoffice.fi

For more information, contact: Finnish Tourist Board, P.O. Box 4649, Grand Central Station, New York New York. Tel: 800-FININFO, e-mail: mek.usa@mek.fi, Web site: www.finland-tourism.com

To fly Finnair, telephone 800-950-5000.